Hi, I'm

Zoey

It’s hard being a RAD Sib. I hope by sharing some of what I’m going through, you’ll see you are not alone!

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'What now?'

(Part 1)

Middle school. Sounds scary…but I don’t mind it. At least I didn’t.

Last week, my parents took my older sister with RAD, Sadie, to a treatment center. I’m not exactly sure where it is, or even what it is, but my mom said my sister will feel safer there.

I don’t know what to think. I have so many questions like, how long will she be there? Will she ever come home? Is it okay to tell my friends? I feel bad asking anything. My parents seem really sad, yet relieved, and just as confused as me.

That last question brings me to today…at school. I felt like I needed to talk to somebody about what was going on, so I found my friend, Laura, and told her what had happened.

I knew she’d be surprised but I was definitely not ready for her response…

'What now?'

(Part 2)

I got home from school with that thought stuck in my head.

I plopped on my bed exhausted from a tiring day of school and pondered my past. I felt many different emotions… anger, sadness, fear and especially uncertainty.

I heard my mom calling my name, but I was too distracted to respond. She came into my room, I think she noticed my blank face and she asked me if I was okay and what was wrong. I didn’t answer her for a while, then I told my mom how I told Laura about what’s happened with Sadie. I told her how incredibly crazy our house was, and how she went to the treatment center to get help. Laura asked me how I felt about her leaving and I realized that I keep shoving down my thoughts about it all.

My mom said that she was glad that I trust Laura enough to talk to her about Sadie and that she is also very glad that I decided to think about this more. I smiled at her and she told me things like this are extremely hard because you may feel one way and the complete opposite way at the exact time, but it is very important to process.

Then my mom said that she wants to hear my thoughts on how I actually feel about Sadie leaving our house…

'What now?'

(Part 3)

I took a few deep breaths and I told her that I miss the times where we would get along, but that was not very often, and how I am very sad that she couldn’t have stayed and been a part of our family. How I am sad that she didn’t feel safe in our home and that she didn’t know how to communicate her emotions, and instead hurt us continually.

How I am angry because I am not the person I used to be. I have lots of scary, traumatizing memories and I wish they weren’t there. I am also very relieved because I didn’t want Sadie to treat my mom, my dad and I the way she did any longer.

I shared how I wanted to feel safe in my home….I didn’t want to hide secrets from my friends and be embarrassed when Sadie acted out in front of them. After all of this emotional vomit came out, I started crying, and my mom stroked my head and hugged me.

Soon my Dad got home and heard me crying in my room, he came in and sat on the other side of me and held me as well … it felt good, and I realized I didn’t want to keep my emotions in anymore, after all they would just keep piling up until I eventually exploded.

I want to keep sharing my heart with my parents, and I encourage you to do the same. ♥

Zoey Portrayed by-

Addie Davis RAD Sib and author of "someone like you"

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